Saturday, May 19, 2018

The reasons why supporting children through grief and loss are important to me


I have observed and experienced a gap in support services for parents and educators that support children with special needs through grief and loss.
As a teacher, I never received training or education on how to support my students if their parents were divorcing, if a loved one died, or the student moved from another country. Teachers are always told to refer the child to a guidance counselor or a social worker, when in actuality, the teacher is the one that supports the child the majority of the time at school.
My middle son, Derek, has overcome many obstacles in his life and he continues to inspire me. It was because of his Pre-K ESE teacher that I became a teacher. Derek's early years were filled with trials. He was born 2 months premature, had a developmental delay, didn't speak until he was 4 years old and when he finally began speaking, he had a stutter, and he has had challenges with his health. When Derek was 8 years old, our family was faced with the traumatic and untimely death of my 8 year old nephew, Alfredo. My son lost his best friend and the one peer that treated him like he was “normal”. Derek was as "normal" as anyone, but he didn't feel that way around kids his age. What does "normal" really even mean? As a parent, I had to search for answers on how to help him face this traumatic loss, as well as how to help his teachers support him.

Types of Loss


According to the Grief Recovery Method there are over 40 types of loss. These are some of the most common types of loss that impact children:

•Death of parent
•Divorce of parents
•Acquiring a visible deformity
•Jail sentence of parent for over one year
•Marital separation of parents
•Death of a brother or sister
•Change in acceptance by peers
•Unplanned pregnancy of sister
•Discovery of being an adopted child
•Marriage of parent to stepparent
•Death of a close friend
•Having a visible congenital deformity
•Serious illness requiring hospitalization
•Failure of a grade in school
•Not making an extracurricular activity
•Hospitalization of a parent
•Jail sentence of parent for over 30 days
•Suspension from school
•Substance abuse in the family
•Domestic Violence in the family
•Birth of a brother or sister
•Increase in arguments between parents
•Loss of job by parent
•Change in parent's financial status
•Hospitalization of a sibling
•Increased absence of parent from home
•Brother or sister leaving home
•Addition of third adult to family
•Becoming a full-fledged member of a church
•Decrease in arguments between parents
•Decrease in arguments with parents
•Mother or father beginning work